How To Beat The 4 Major Causes of Holiday Stress
By Gianina Knoth
Not to overgeneralize, but most people fall into one of two categories at the beginning of the Christmas season.
First, there are the Buddy the Elf Types. They already have their tree up before the turkey is on the Thanksgiving table, they are convinced that you can never have enough glitter or tinsel, Hallmark is sacred, and by gosh by golly, they are determined to spread Christmas cheer like they are the Dallas cheerleaders of the North Pole.
There is also the other group, some would call the Grinches. (Usually the Buddy the Elf Types) These folks think that Secret Santa is akin to water-boarding, will gladly tell you exactly how capitalism is ruining Christmas, rage against the local radio stations playing Christmas in November, and just want to smack everyone in red or green until about mid-January.
Confession: I am a little bit of both.
Tree by Thanksgiving, Yes.
Glitter, No. I would give it a restraining order if I could.
Christmas cheer, yes. I watch Elf in July, thank you very much.
Black Friday, hard pass. Capitalism is ruining Christmas, don't get me started.
The fact is, the world tells us we need to select the perfect presents, throw HGTV worthy parties, cook Martha Stewart meals, and spend Hallmark-quality family time to have a "Merry Christmas." Let's look at four of the "big stressors" of the holiday season. In the name of sanity, I'd like to offer some practical, creative, and hopefully fun, ideas to destress this season.
HOLIDAY STRESSOR #1: TIME
Pause. No, seriously, pause for a minute. (I’ll wait) The holidays stretch our already overextended schedules, and our nerves, to the breaking point. During the holidays—especially during this season—our time may very well be the greatest gift we have to give. Make sure you spend it well. This pandemic may prevent some holiday traditions, but what if it has also made space for some new ones? Here are a few ways to make the time memorable without everyone (adults included) in a time out:
Make a “Kick It To The Curb” List
Okay list makers and people pleasers, I’m talking to you now. Listen, I get it. You have a lot to do. If you don’t do it, it won’t get done. Most people would need a double espresso to read your list much less do it. But I’m gonna bust out some serious late 80’s Milli Vanilli wisdom right now. Instead of Blaming it on the Rain, blame it on the COVID. (I won’t tell) Sit down and scratch some “gotta” off that list. Call it an early present to yourself. Sometimes the priority needs to be your sanity.
Have a Family Silent Night
Consider a planned quiet time not sponsored by “I’m yelling because no one is listening.” Instead, make some cocoa, grab a book, or just get a sound or meditation app and chill as a family for 15 minutes, or longer if you’ve figured out how to make those in your home prone to fidget sit still.
Rage Against the Machines
If you haven’t already, set a “do not disturb” on your phone do it for morning and evening. You can do it. I believe in you. Isn’t the holiday season as good a time as any for some healthy boundaries? I declare the time to stage a coup against our electronic taskmasters has arrived!
HOLIDAY STRESSOR #2: FAMILY
Are you dreading facing the family drama this season? Over Zoom? Shudder. Or how about trying to figure out the logistics of traveling, or getting together in a way that is safe and accommodates everyone's needs. Good Lord, I need a nap just thinking about it. But what if the problem isn’t the family you have, but the family you’re missing? If that’s you, check out our Blue Christmas experience to help process some of that grief, or 5 things grieving people want you to know at Christmas.
If loneliness comes knocking this season, whack-a-mole that sucker with this truth bomb: family comes in many forms. There is the family we get (no returns or exchanges), and the family we make, our friends and community. Whoever you call family, here are some memory-making ideas.
Have Rotating Movie Nights
Each week let a different family member choose the holiday movie you’ll watch together. No eye-rolling. I see you over there. No arguing about whether or not Die Hard is a Christmas movie (it is), or why Hallmark makes the same movie with a different name and the same actress every year (they do). Make some popcorn and get your holiday flick on.
Have a Hobby Holiday
Ask each person in the family to share, and possibly teach, the other members how to do what they love. Is someone a golfer? Great, go putting in the backyard together. Let your kid teach you Minecraft. Finger-paint with your toddler. Does grandpa play an instrument? Let him give you a Zoom concert. Get creative!
North Pole Night
Turn down the A/C. Big time. Snuggle up in your warmest jammies. Bonus points if they match. If friends and family are participating in separate houses compare stats the next day to see who had the lowest temperature. Get some plush snowballs and have a snowball fight. Put a candy cane in your cocoa if you want some on-theme props. No matter what you do, it’ll be an Arctic blast. Floridians might temporarily embrace the humidity the next morning, and former Northerners will get a super cool night of nostalgia. Win, win.
HOLIDAY STRESSOR #3: MONEY
As soon as the turkey coma wears off, holiday shoppers treat the front doors of Wal-Mart like the last chopper out of Saigon. Seriously, are people fighting to get into Wal-Mart? A lot of this may happen online, especially now, but do we really need to put our budget in a chokehold to make people feel loved this year? Pssst, the answer is “no.” Pass it on.
Most Americans are richer than a large portion of the rest of the world. We can honor our budget and others who are struggling not only with the way we spend our money but our attitude about it. Ew, keeping up with the Joneses is, like, so last year. Here are some go big, go bold, just don't go broke ideas for this year:
Make. Your. Gifts.
I know we’ve all heard it before, but seriously. Don’t tell me you aren’t creative. That’s what Pinterest is for. Get creative. Learn finger knitting. (Yes, this is a thing and it is so easy.) Dollar stores and craft stores have lots of cheap supplies or all-in-one DIY projects. Go wild. You can do it. I send all my crafty mojo to you through cyberspace.
Donate In Someone’s Name
This is the season of giving and I’m not talking about you giving Amazon stockholders bigger yachts with your midnight, guilt-ridden gift buying. A donation to charity is a lovely gift and I double-dog dare the person to whom you give it to complain. You do not, I repeat, do not have to include the amount. Donate to a food pantry, give a few bucks at Publix to St. Jude’s, whatever. Make a certificate, many computers even have certificate templates. It's the thought that counts if you’ll let it. If you still want to give a gift, check out these ideas for gifts that give back.
Give the Gift of Time
There are still COVID-friendly ways to volunteer. Consider delivering meals, sponsoring a child, or writing letters—yes, real letters—to people who would rather get something with a stamp than something with an emoji. My mother is in a club that writes letters to senior citizens in homes. This was a joy before COVID, now it is a lifeline. Nothing provides a fresh perspective for you, and a blessing for others, like sharing your time with people.
HOLIDAY STRESSOR #4: FOOD
Between October 31st and January 1, I need someone to shine a spotlight in my face and demand over a loudspeaker I explain why I’m in the kitchen. Nothing good happens after 10 pm in the kitchen. It whispers sweet nothings of left-over delicacies and carb-riddled delights. Monster. Maybe you’re glad no one is coming so you won't have to cook and (groan) clean. Or, what if hospitality is your jam and now you’re not sure what to do? Whether you’re going to do your best to make this holiday like the others, or you’re going to invite Zoom to the table and embrace the new normal, here are some ideas to chew on:
Get a Post-Holiday Plan In Place Now
If you’ve been meaning to make some changes or get healthier, start putting the pieces in place now. Don’t wait until panic comes knocking in January. Do some meal plan research, ask friends to join a walking club, download some new exercises and recipes. Either way, when guilt and shame come sniffing around you can send them back to wherever kale comes from, which I hope is very, very far away.
Ding, Dong, Ditch Dinner Party
If cooking is how you love to show others love, consider taking your show on the road. Think of some people you’d like to serve this way and make them a meal. Take it to them and take off. Maybe send a pic of their front door like Amazon? Just make sure they are home and the dog isn’t outside, okay? Text a friend and tell her you'll have dinner covered on Monday. Drop a treat off for a friend that h-a-t-e-s their job. Order a busy family a few pizzas.
Pay It Forward
If everything from the past year has weighed heavily on your heart, I’m with you. If you are struggling, please let caring members of your community lift you up. Yes, these local food pantries and distribution centers are for you (Including at Community of Hope!). We care for you. If your heart has been burdened but your finances have been blessed, consider a “Double Down Shopping Challenge.” For one day, one week, or a whole month, consider donating in Publix gift cards, or actual groceries, what you spend for your own family. Imagine the weight of that blessing, for everyone involved.
This season, whether you are Buddy the Elf, a misunderstood Grinch, or just a battle-hardened survivor of the hot mess that has been 2020, please try to bring your attention back to the real reason for the season. It really is better to give than receive. The best gift may be your time. People matter, not presents. Your value has nothing to do with your job, your checkbook, the number on the scale, or the opinions of others. I hope this list spreads a little cheer and gets all to 2021 with Santa-like speed.
Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. Seasons Greetings. Happy Chanukah. Happy Kwanzaa. Mele Kalikimaka. Happy New Year. Whew!
We’d love for you to join us for Christmas this year at Community of Hope: Indoors, Outdoors, & Online. There is something for everybody and we hope to have you be a part of it. Click below to learn more about our plans for the most wonderful time of the year.